I first created Friendly Foods for Fletcher to experiment with making recipes fun and exciting for my beautiful boy. I wanted him to be healthy and happy. He was my priority and my sole focus.
Well, things have changed.
Yesterday I had my third colonoscopy in 5 years, and for the 3rd time had pre-malignent polyps removed. The surgeon tells me "don't worry, it's very rare they're the kind that become cancerous." He then reads my notes and says "oh, but that's what you've got". He says, "you look quite young, how old are you?" I tell him I'm 28 in December, he pats my leg and says "so young". At this point I'm almost feeling sorry for him, if it wasn't for the fact I was already crying I probably would have tried to make him feel better, but to be honest, I was scared. Seriously scared.
I've battled with my weight and my food choices for years. My naturopath (who started me on this journey for FJ) has been telling me I needed to act like an adult, stop trying to blame someone else, stop making others accountable, start living MY life the way I KNOW is right, for me.
My mother yesterday when I called to tell her I was okay but that they'd found another polyp gave me a bit of a serve which at the time I felt was a bit harsh. But she made some very valid points; my food and lifestyle choices don't just hurt me, they hurt others. I have a wonderful husband, mother and father all of whom love me very much. I have a gorgeous son who adores me. I have a class of 15 students who I know care about me. And I'm sure my friendship group feel the same. So, while I'm worrying about what the results of my latest biopsy might be, all of the above mentioned people (who know what I'm going through) will be worrying too.
I didn't like what Mum was saying. She made me cry and I wanted to ignore it.
But this morning it all sunk in. I have let so many people down;
Friends who've tried to support and encourage me over the past few years have heard every excuse under the sun for why I cannot go walking today, or why I
had to have a coffee... I frustrate myself so much of the time, I can only imagine how those who are only trying to help feel when I constantly make up weak excuses.
My parents who've heard me complain about my weight, my breathing
difficulties, my lack of energy, offer solutions and then watch me eat a
piece of chocolate cake because "I'm already feeling sick"....
My husband who I regularly make the bad guy when I ask him questions about my food choices, or when he questions my choices and I get angry with him.
My son, who wants nothing more than to have Mummy chase him around or sit on the floor and play "beep, beeps" with him. My son who I'm sure wants his Mummy to be around long enough to watch him get married and have children of his own.
And then, there's me. When I went through this last year I had an agonizing wait until the results of the 11 biopsys came back and in that time I swore to myself that I had 12mths to make a difference. Well, I did lose 20kg during that time but it was really only the last 8 weeks that made the difference.
After being admitted to hospital after a severe asthma attack I went back to basics; vegetables, fruit and white meat. No dairy, no grains, no red meat. And I was healthy! I lost weight, I had energy and I was happy and healthy!! It was drastic, it was hard, but it worked. (I then undid most of my hard work with a week of eating the exact opposite in preparation for the colonoscopy.)
My naturopath has said paleo would work for me and it makes sense as it agrees with
- what the allergist told my mother when I was a baby
- what my allergist said to me back in 2009
- what the Blood Group Diet says I should eat
- what naturopath's and doctors around the world say about good colon health and preventing colon polyps and
- what makes me feel healthy.
So how can I ignore all of these signs?
I can't. And honestly, if I do this time I deserve to be excommunicated by my family and friends because I'm food and an early grave and it's not fair to expect my friends and family to sit by and watch that.
So there's going to be a few changes around the Friendly Foods page
... lots more NEW (paleo) recipes and hopefully some thermomix ones soon too!!
And a lot more blogging! Because there's something about typing out my feelings, getting my inner thoughts down on paper that I find therapeutic. And even if no one else reads it, or if 100 people read it.... the message is out there. By putting it in writing I'm accountable to others and most importantly to myself.
xx K
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